How to manage conflict in seniors living communities
Let’s face it, no one likes conflict. Most of us spend our lives avoiding it, at work, at home and with our nearest and dearest. Unfortunately, conflict is a part of everyday life, with retirement villages and seniors living accommodation not immune to what inevitably happens when you put a whole heap of people together in a relatively small space.
As a multicultural society, Australia is blessed with significant diversity in our population and our seniors are no different. Everyone has different backgrounds, different life experiences and different values. It could also be said that people who aren’t very “nice” as young people rarely change as they get older; the onset of grey hair (or no hair) and advancing years is no guarantee of behaviours more consistent with our perception of the sweet little old lady (or man).
In lots of ways retirement or seniors living is a recipe for disaster. Think about it. Most people who move into this type of accommodation have spent most (or all) of their adult lives living in a detached or semi-detached house, complete with the space that such arrangements afford them. For the most part they are also used to being in control of what they do with their space and their lives in general. At some point they decide they want to “downsize” and move out of this home, into a “village”. It’s a great idea in theory but what often happens is that the dream and reality are so very different.
This is especially the case if the person moving into a retirement village or seniors living is not the most willing participant in the downsizing process or if they aren’t the sweet senior we think they might be. Retirement for some people can be very challenging, especially if they have worked in roles that have afforded them significant influence over others. It is difficult to let go of a lifetime of behaviours and expectations about how people around you will respond to you.
The situation is compounded by the fact that most villages are large, with operators needing to build big to achieve economies of scale and their return on investment. I have experience working with people living in villages with as few as 70 units through to those with more than 600 units. Regardless of the size, conflict does occur, and operators often find themselves having to be the mediator; a role most staff are ill prepared for and don’t enjoy.
The legislation governing retirement villages and seniors living varies across the country, but there are provisions in each piece of legislation about the rights and responsibilities of both operators and residents when there are disputes related to contracts and the resident’s tenure or between the operator and the resident. What is not as clear is what happens when residents are at loggerheads with each other. If there is conflict between residents, they can use the dispute resolutions services and processes available to them through the various civil and administrative tribunals that exist in each state. However, if you have ever had occasion to make a claim in this forum or been required to appear because someone made a claim against you, the process is not pleasant, it can take a long time to get to a resolution and in my opinion, there are never any winners.
There is a responsibility on the operator to create a living environment in which all residents are happy and comfortable to address the inevitable issues that arise from living in such close quarters with neighbours. Happy residents contribute to improved occupancy including a smoother sales process and reduced resident turnover. There is no better advertisement for a retirement village than happy residents (and families). If residents are happy, they will tell two people; if they’re not, they (and/or their families) will tell 2000 (thanks social media).
How then should operators (in this case Village Managers) respond to the inevitable conflict that occurs between residents? The simple answer is, carefully, but like all issues where relationships between humans are involved, it is complex. With resident populations as varied in age and capacity as they are in backgrounds and interests (that is a whole other blog post), there isn’t a one size fits all solution.
Tips on managing conflict amongst your residents
Resolving conflict requires strong leadership and the establishment of very clear boundaries in which all residents are expected to operate.
It is essential that you have robust policies and processes regarding the management of disputes; include them in a resident handbook or in whatever system you use to communicate important information to residents.
Make sure that the written information is supported by discussion at resident orientation and in whatever forums are used to communicate (resident meetings etc).
It is also important that all staff are aware of the policies and processes and that they are trained in how to respond to complaints from individuals about their neighbours.
Pay particular attention to those staff who have a lot of interaction with residents; providing them with training and support in the boundaries expected of them in their roles is crucial. There is nothing worse than a staff member (with all the best intentions) becoming embroiled in a conflict between residents and not being able to extricate themselves from the situation.
The response of staff to complaints from residents about their neighbours is crucial to an early and swift resolution. Staff should listen to what is being said and validate the way the person feels but they shouldn’t buy into the conflict. The increasing incidence of cognitive impairment in residents should also be considered here; it is important for operators and their teams to have some idea about what is going on with their residents. Just because you are providing so called “independent” living, doesn’t mean you can abdicate your responsibility or duty of care to your residents.
What to do when the conflict escalates beyond what’s reasonable
If the conflict is ongoing and is starting to affect the mood of the village, it may be of value to engage an independent party to investigate the conflict with the view to hearing from all parties involved and coming up with findings. Such an exercise may seem excessive, but my experience is that it can be a very useful tool in getting the parties concerned to engage with you as the operator and each other in a structured way. The right investigator will be empathetic to the parties and while meeting with them and others who are directly involved, may provide you with helpful information that could prevent a similar dispute into the future.
By way of example, an operator was recently made aware of a situation where a resident was accused by another resident of excluding them from activities and putting pressure on other residents in the village to do the same. It would have been easy for the village manager to ignore the issue and to use the “they’re all adults” line of defense. However, it was clear that the complainant was becoming increasingly distressed by the situation and their mental health was starting to suffer.
With the consent of the resident, the operator engaged an external party to investigate the complaints. Terms of reference were developed and agreed to and the complaints themselves were very clearly described. The investigator interviewed all involved (including the complainant, the respondent/s and residents and staff who were witness to some of the behaviour). Unlike disputes between staff where an employer can require staff to participate, using this approach to resolving resident disputes does require the agreement and cooperation of all involved. In this case, the residents all participated willingly.
A report was provided to the operator which included findings about the allegations. Some of the allegations were substantiated and some weren’t. The allegations did not constitute breaches of the village’s by laws (although the clause regarding “quiet enjoyment” could have been referred to in any formal processes), but it was clear that everyone concerned had been affected. After much discussion, mediation was used by the operator as an opportunity for all parties to explain how they felt about the situation and to develop a “moving forward” approach to the situation. Again, an independent party was used to facilitate the discussion and all parties agreed to keeping the process and outcome confidential. The outcome of the mediation was an agreement by all concerned that they would be polite towards each other. It was a good example of an individual not being aware of the impact they had on others because of the way they spoke to and about that person. The complainant felt heard, and their mental health improved.
Whilst the example above had a somewhat “happy” ending, it is a shame that the individuals had to be in that situation in the first place. Conflict is inevitable; but it is how it is managed that determines whether it is a short-lived flash in the pan or all-out war. It is also important to remember there are usually three sides to every story, the side of the complainant, the side of the respondent and what actually happened. Prevention is always better than any cure; this is where well organised social programs can be of assistance. Offering something for everyone and encouraging participation in activities both in the village and outside the village will assist at diluting the impact of people whose social skills leave a lot to be desired. Using independent people to investigate and/or mediate can also be of assistance in resolving issues; it allows village staff to remain somewhat neutral and not be seen taking sides. It can also improve the perception of confidentiality of the process.